My Life as an Ape

My Life as an Ape. 

Though I was more like a chimpanzee, only very large. I belonged to a man who was very cruel. He gave no more thought to torturing or killing animals or humans as he would spitting his wad of chewing tobacco on the ground. He beat me often and used me to “perform” for money. If the crowd was large and money was good, more often than not, he fed me, though not always. We did not belong to any one circus but made the rounds to the different carnivals and shows. Sometimes a companion chimp joined us, but if they did not perform well, he sold it and if he couldn’t sell it, he killed it. I learned very early not to get too attached to anything.

I had no concept of “language” but I was aware of differing emotions. In myself and in others. Anger/hatred gave off an acrid smell that burned my senses. Laughter gave off varying degrees of odor, depending on if it was true mirth, or derisive glee. True joy gave off a warm, sweet smell that caused my body to respond, a quickening of my heart and feelings of well being. Though I rarely witnessed it.

There was one little girl that reached out to me once. I could feel her empathy and feelings of sadness for ME. I almost let my guard down and reach back to her, but her mother human scooped her up and took her away.

I watched everything and everyone, trying to understand the “ways of humans”.

My life an Ape was a short one. We were with a traveling circus and there was a large gorilla that was owned by another human. He was treated as cruelly as I was. Our two humans tried to get us to perform together but I was wary of the large animal and he had been beaten so often he bordered on madness.

Our two humans decided they would put on a Grand Show and have the two us locked in a large cage and fight. The crowd was large and the noise deafening. I was quick and agile and could climb the bars out the huge gorilla’s reach but soon I tired. The two men that owned us goaded the gorilla whenever he tried to back into a corner and beat him with large sticks. Finally, he had enough and lunged at me, grabbing me by my foot. The end was mercifully quick. As I floated out of my body I slowly became aware of myself as myself and no longer an ape.

And then I woke up. Why do I try to understand all viewpoints, no matter how much they may differ from mine? Because of dreams like this.